...Just believe...

evilspork87 @ 2006-06-03T23:27:00

2006-06-04T03:28:22Z

What can I say...life hates me. No scholarships, no awards, and absolutely no recognition for anything. I'm invisible. I love life.

evilspork87 @ 2005-07-10T20:00:00

2005-07-11T00:00:26Z

Accidents suck ass......yeah.

evilspork87 @ 2005-06-06T19:28:00

2005-06-06T23:33:20Z

List five songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter
what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're
any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post
these instructions, the artist and the song in your blog along with
your five songs. Then tag five other people to see what they're
listening to.

Linkin Park-Faint (always and forever, lol)
Yellowcard-Ocean Avenue
Yellowcard-View From Heaven
Star Wars-Duel of Fates
Naruto-Seishun Kyosokyoku

Tag--->....I think all my friends have already been tagged....

stay tough

2005-05-07T20:58:16Z

I guess I should just stay strong and hope this whole thing blows over, but that's not gonna happen. Too much hate and fustration and confusion. I hope this ray of sunlight grows.

evilspork87 @ 2005-05-06T17:11:00

2005-05-06T21:14:33Z

You drove the blade through my body. Blood poured from the wound and yet; I still smiled at you because that's all I could do....

Far away from here

2005-05-01T04:14:01Z

POST ANYTHING that you want [in comments,] and post it ANONYMOUSLY. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends [and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ] have to say.

Please do.

evilspork87 @ 2005-04-07T21:44:00

2005-04-08T01:57:28Z

I feel so fake right now....I guess I deserve this in some way.

this is me pretending...

2005-04-04T23:53:48Z

My December - Linkin Park (Give it a listen, as well as the remix My{Dsmbr (yes, that is how it's spelled)

This is my December, This is my time of the year
This is my December, This is all so clear

Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
Give it all away
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed
Give it all away

This is my December, This is my snow covered home
This is my December, This is me alone

And I (Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed)
And I (Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that)
And I (Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed)
And I (Take back all the things that I said to you)

And I, give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

This is my December, These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending, this is all I need

And I (Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed)
And I (Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that)
And I (Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed)
And I (Take back all the things that I said to you)

And I, give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

This is my December, This is my time of the year
This is my December, This is all so clear

Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

What the hell is so wrong with me. I'll vent everything...sooner later.

Optimism??

2005-03-20T20:35:01Z

Something slightly optimistic that I found online. Read all of it and you'll see.

Pandora had repeatedly fancied that sounds like whispers issued from the box. The noise now seemed to increase, and she breathlessly applied her ear to the lid to ascertain whether it really proceeded from within. Imagine, therefore, her surprise when she distinctly heard these words, uttered in the most pitiful accents: " Pandora, dear Pandora, have pity upon us ! Free us from this gloomy prison! Open, open, we beseech you!"

Pandora's heart beat so fast and loud, that it seemed for a moment to drown all other sounds. Should she open the box ? Just then a familiar step outside made her start guiltily. Epimetheus was coming, and she knew he would urge her again to come out, and would prevent the gratification of her curiosity. Precipitately, therefore, she raised the lid to have one little peep before he came in.

Now, Jupiter had malignantly crammed into this box all the diseases, sorrows, vices, and crimes that afflict poor humanity; and the box was no sooner opened, than all these ills flew out, in the guise of horrid little brown-winged creatures, closely resembling moths. These little insects fluttered about, alighting, some upon Epimetheus, who had just entered, and some upon Pandora, pricking and stinging them most unmercifully. They then flew out through the open door and windows, and fastened upon the merrymakers without, whose shouts of joy were soon changed into wails of pain and anguish.

Epimetheus and Pandora had never before experienced the faintest sensation of pain or anger; but, as soon as these winged evil spirits had stung them, they began to weep, and, alas ! quarrelled for the first time in their lives. Epimetheus reproached his wife in bitterest terms for her thoughtless action; but in the very midst of his vituperation he suddenly heard a sweet little voice entreat for freedom. The sound proceeded from the unfortunate box, whose cover Pandora had dropped again, in the first moment of her surprise and pain. " Open, open, and I will heal your wounds! Please let me out! " it pleaded.

The tearful couple viewed each other inquiringly, and listened again. Once more they heard the same pitiful accents; and Epimetheus bade his wife open the box and set the speaker free, adding very amiably, that she had already done so much harm by her ill-fated curiosity, that it would be difficult to add materially to its evil consequences, and that, perchance, the box contained some good spirit, whose ministrations might prove beneficial.

It was well for Pandora that she opened the box a second time, for the gods, with a sudden impulse of compassion, had concealed among the evil spirits one kindly creature, Hope, whose mission was to heal the wounds inflicted by her fellow prisoners.

evilspork87 @ 2005-03-18T22:27:00

2005-03-19T03:29:41Z

Quick update because people have been asking me to.

Musical=good fun

Life=complete shit

I'm a wreck right now. I'll resume updating once something good comes my way.

evilspork87 @ 2005-02-26T23:40:00

2005-02-27T04:45:44Z

( ) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) saw a shooting star
( ) been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) had a serious surgery
( ) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x-If you count the family related sorta kiss thing) kissed a stranger
( ) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
( ) done drugs
( ) had alcohol
(x-does jello count?) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(x)pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) made out in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x-my little bro deserved it)kicked a guy where it hurts
(x-debating this a lot) been in love
(x-very much so on too many occasions) been close to love
( ) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone
( ) been high
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
( ) flashed someone
( ) saw a therapist
( ) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
( )crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
( ) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(x-snacks) stole something from your job
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
(x-well I wasn't the one driving at the time) Driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
(x-does a chemical burn count?) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
( ) Met someone in person from the internet
(I wish) Been moshing at a rock show
( ) Been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
( ) tried killing yourself
( ) taken painkillers
(x multiplied by lots) love someone or miss someone right now

evilspork87 @ 2005-02-24T20:30:00

2005-02-25T01:58:15Z

My parents just got through with the longest and biggest fight they've had in a long time. It was pretty much two hours of screaming, crying, and me just hiding in my room. Things are a bit of a mess down here right now. My mom just left a little while ago, don't know where she's going to. I'm not sure why, but I just kinda lost control for a little bit. I think it's just been how everything's been overwhelming lately. The arguing, powerlessness, everything. I don't know what's going on in my head anymore. Like, I've been managing to force a smile these past few days, but it still hasn't left me yet. I had two dreams about tor last night. I'm not angry or anything like i was before...just...alone. Especially when I used to walk with her in the halls. Sometimes I just miss having a hand to hold in the hallways, getting a hug and a couple of kisses before we had to leave. Bah, I really don't wanna bother people with these details, but I feel like I gotta get them out somehow. Sorry if I seem like I'm trying to be depressed for attention. I just don't have anybody left to vent to. When all the arguing was going on the first thing I thought of was calling her, but that wouldn't be right. I just wish that i cold get a second chance...but since when have wishes come true?? It seems like only my nightmares do. I'll just end this with a quote from Hitch, "That's what people do. They jump from a building and hope that they fly...and right now I'm falling like a rock and you're the only person who can give me the wings to soar."

You go 90 and I go 10, you don't go the full 100!!

2005-02-22T20:56:25Z

So yeah, I went and saw Hitch last night with Pehush and Goeggle. Awesome movie. I suggest everyone sees it. Getting out kinda helped me get my mind off of things, but the entire time I was there it felt like something (more like someone) was missing. I don't know why I just can't accept the way things are. Like this morning I rolled out of bed and thought to myseld "i gotta tell tor about hitch" then i stopped and told myself that she doesn't care anymore. I can't get over the fact that this is what's happened. Hitch actually made a point of this kind of feeling. If being miserable over it is the only way that you can stay attached then that's better than just being alone and empty. I just can't see how something that can mean so much to somebody just end without them trying to keep things afloat. I can't let good things go that easily, and sometimes it's just easier then going through the whole empty feeling. Yeah, I'm done for now I guess. I just wanna find something like what Hitch had in the movie...I just wanna find somebody who the thought of can make me smile and stay with them. *sigh* i guess something's just wrong with me.

evilspork87 @ 2005-02-21T16:05:00

2005-02-21T21:07:00Z

Hemisphere

In any case, what can I possibly do?
What can I do to change the reality of this confined garden?

I haven't even lived through half of my life yet
I oppose and I embrace
Experiences are unconciously tatooed onto me

When I'm in serious trouble
Challenges also grab at me
I was able to see my existence for the first time
Towards a huge field, somewhere bigger and deeper
I can only go to a world which exceeds expectations

Tell me the meaning of "power"
I wonder if it's something I can go through
Or even if I devote myself
Can I protect the things which I must protect?

Clouds of dust whip up in the savannas of gazelles
Until the winds die down, they must remain inside

People continue to walk
Just to live
I move on as the incomplete data is re-written
It seems I've started walking alone in the wilderness
Until I become more confident I want to live up to myself

Where did I come from long ago?
Where is the distant future heading?
I was abandoning it before I could notice it
It seems I've started walking alone in the wilderness
Until I become more confident I want to live up to myself

When I'm in serious trouble
Challenges also grab at me
I was able to see my existense for the first time
Towards a huge field, somewhere bigger and deeper
I can only go to a world which exceeds expectations

I want to know more about myself

evilspork87 @ 2005-02-20T23:59:00

2005-02-21T05:02:07Z

I really wish I could let out everything I've been bottling up inside, but whenever I come to a chance to I don't. I guess it's just because I don't wanna be a nuisance to anybody. AH! I can't take much more of this. I'm gonna snap soon.

evilspork87 @ 2005-02-17T22:26:00

2005-02-18T03:27:59Z

Generate your Anime Style by Jena-su
Name:
Hair:	Never stays the same style/colour for long.
Clothes:	Dark and sexy. With randomly placed belts. Lots and lots of belts...
Powers:	Elemental control
Special Features:	Cat ears and tail
Sidekick:	An alternate personality, that on occasion takes on its own physical form.
Attitude:	Sarcastic as hell.
Weapon:	A ribbon dancer

Quiz created with MemeGen!

How awesome am I?? Pretty damn awesome. lol. what can beat killing people with a ribbon dancer? Plus the attitude is dead on. Pretty cool

evilspork87 @ 2005-02-14T20:06:00

2005-02-15T01:07:55Z

It's actually getting worse instead of better. Guess I'm a delayed reaction sorta person.

evilspork87 @ 2005-02-12T21:12:00

2005-02-13T02:15:17Z

Yay for being single again I really don't know what to do right now...I really don't. I just feel that this is all my fault, once again. That I could've done something different, just one thing differently and none of this would've happened and I wouldn't have hurt her or myself. But of course, me being the fuck up of life I am manage to screw it up. It's been this way my entire life, and there's nothing I can do to change that. I really hate myself for this. There's so much I want to tell her, so much I just wish I did or could've done. I really just wish I could've slow danced with her...or surprised her with a flower in her locker. Random hugs, hanging out during the summer. That's one of the reasons I didn't feel like going to Europe. I was planning so much for valentine's day too. All a waste, just like every single other thing I've ever done. It's all so pointless and useless now, just like me. I really did care about her more than everything else...I really did.

Here I go

2005-02-12T19:18:29Z

Yellowcard-Only One

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

(Chorus)
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

(Chorus)
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

(Interlude)

Here I go...so dishonestly leave a note for you my only one
And I know...you can see right through me
So let me go...and you will find some one

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one...no one like you
You are my only my only one
My only one(x3)
You are my only my only one!

Yeah, I like that song a lot.
Why am I so scared?

evilspork87 @ 2005-02-11T15:54:00

2005-02-11T20:55:53Z

This has been the complete day from hell. It started off really bad and has seemingly only gotten worse. I hope Tor feels better soon. Bah, I really need a pick-me-up

??

2005-02-06T04:30:33Z

I'm not a perfect person
as many things I wish I didn't do
but I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
it's something I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why I need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you

evilspork87 @ 2005-02-04T22:08:00

2005-02-05T03:15:42Z

Yeah, I just got back from the mall with Leigh Ann, Cassi, Michelle, Josh, Ryan, Sarah and Kelly. It was a pretty fun time. I met up with Cass and Leigh ann in the food court, then we headed over to Hot Topic. Browsed around for some time, found a couple kick ass Star Wars shirts, lol. We met Michelle and Kelly later in there, then ran into Sarah, Josh, and Ryan as we were exiting. Went to a couple of girl stores and I was subjected to wearing a pink tiara thingy. *shudders* Stopped by Sam Goody, looked at a few Anime things then we left. I headed off to wait for a rediculously huge line at DDR while everybody else went off. I met my half-brother's other half-brother Ian there. That was kinda cool. Didn't know he was into DDR and stuff. So I played a round then met up with Leigh ann and Cass for the last half hour we were there. It wasn't that bad of a trip, I had some fun but something was on my mind and it just kept growing inside. I really hate it when I worry so much that I make myself sick. I really hope things don't go the way I'm predicting.

yum

2005-02-02T20:34:32Z

Fortune cookies are weird because every time I open one the advice inside actually relates to me.

"The best mirror is often a good friend."

"To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it."

"You may have to be patient now - think, listen, and heed signs."

evilspork87 @ 2005-02-01T20:50:00

2005-02-02T01:53:29Z

Bah, I really wish I had brought my trumpet home tonight. I actually like playing, contrary to what my parents believe. Plus I wanna see how high I can go now. I like screaming, it's fun and relieves so much stress. Music really is a great thing. sry for the random blurb, I'm rather bored.

evilspork87 @ 2005-01-26T20:35:00

2005-01-27T01:34:28Z

[01] Reply with your name and I will write something about you
[02] I will then tell what song[s] remind me of you.
[03] Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
[04] Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
[05] Put this in your journal.